Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
