watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
