Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
