Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
