I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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