if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
