when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
