she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
