i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
