im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
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