Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
