my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
