I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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