As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
