If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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