you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
