from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
