i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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