"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
