morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Every concussion has its silver lining
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
