I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
