When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Let's get the cat blown out
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize