your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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