Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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