sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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