I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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