Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize