So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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