I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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