wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
