So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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