All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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