you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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