The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
