i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
