I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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