he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
