nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
