i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
my liver is dry heaving
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
