So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
