Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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