Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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