dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
