I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
