garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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