I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He's on the porch naked. Help.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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