i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
