Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
