So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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