I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
