What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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