I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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