i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
