I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
