I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
