I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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