somebody snuck up and got me drunk
vagina is talking i cant
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
