I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You left your underwear on the fireplace
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Randomize
