who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
