so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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