Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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