We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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