My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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