Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
bring money and cleavage
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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