conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
