That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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