is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
