Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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