Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
