And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
my god I love twenty year old dicks
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize