hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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