I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
