I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
