I just saw a hot homeless man
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
