Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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