a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize