She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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