How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
