Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
