it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
