apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
