Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
