chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
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