A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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