for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
