It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
