I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
