We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
