Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
