Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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