he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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