Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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