Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
