Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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